Our family has some strange habits that, if I'm honest, I don't really find strange at all. In fact, some of these habits involve behaviors that I heartily recommend to others if they're willing to be a little counter-cultural.
Several of those habits relate to the way we behave in restaurants. Anyone who knows me well knows that, for a season, my father owned a restaurant and a grocery store when I was in high school. I worked at both, and I still have a great appreciation for those who work in the business of selling or preparing food.
When the Lord blessed my wife and me with four children in close proximity to each other, we knew that it might be a challenge to visit restaurants as a family for a few years unless we insisted on some very specific parameters. One rule we insisted on was that they mind their behavior, and I used to tell them, "If our server or someone we don't know in this restaurant comes to our table and compliments your behavior, you'll be getting dessert." More often than not, that's exactly what would happen and we would reward the children with something sweet after the meal.
Another thing we insisted on from a very early age was that they ordered their own food and asked for their own refills. We frequently noticed that many children are quite fearful of speaking with adults. Some struggle to maintain eye contact and hold a conversation with a superior, and we wanted to see if we could teach our children to operate differently from a very early age. Thankfully, it didn't take a long time for them to catch on, and this practice helped them to learn how to speak up for themselves in an appropriate way.
But here's the thing, children aren't the only people who fear interacting with others. Adults fear it too. One of the major struggles that many of us as adults wrestle with is our fear of the opinions and attitudes of other people. In fact, some of us fear our fellow man so much that we idolize humanity. We might even spend the majority of our lives elevating the opinions of others over the decrees of God. I think it's fair to say that's what most people on this planet are presently doing.
So how can we go about our lives without being paralyzed by the fear of man? What principles does Scripture demonstrate for us that can fill our minds with the perspective that helps us defeat an unhealthy fear of others? How can we live out Solomon's teaching that, "The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe." ? (Proverbs 29:25)
I. Realize there is no such thing as celebrity
Let no one deceive himself. If anyone among you thinks that he is wise in this age, let him become a fool that he may become wise. For the wisdom of this world is folly with God. For it is written, “He catches the wise in their craftiness,” and again, “The Lord knows the thoughts of the wise, that they are futile.” So let no one boast in men. (1 Cor. 3:18-21a)
The Apostle Paul was someone who understood what it was like to walk by faith, and he bravely went to many cities and towns during the first century to preach the gospel, disciple new believers, plant churches, and raise up leaders. That wasn't an easy task, and even he admitted that there were times when he struggled with nervousness when he was speaking in front of certain crowds. The people of the city of Corinth were definitely a group that seemed to make Paul a little nervous.
Do you ever feel nervous when you're speaking in front of group? I think most of us do, but here's something that helps me when I'm doing it. Maybe it will help you too. If you want to overcome your nervousness, start measuring the success of your presentation by whether or not you're helping people, instead of whether or not they praise you for how you looked while doing it.
I think one of the reasons Paul had a difficult time speaking to the Corinthians was because they seemed to have a chip on their shoulders. Many of them seemed to think they were better than others, and that attitude was actually causing division within the Corinthian church. So Paul confronted that problem when he wrote to them.
He told those who thought they were wiser than others to humble themselves so that their pride didn't rob them of the opportunity they were being given to learn godly wisdom. Paul contrasted the wisdom of this world with the wisdom of God, and he reminded the church that the wisdom of the world is foolishness and will come to nothing.
But if we persist in idolizing the wisdom of this world, we'll also begin idolizing those who disseminate it. That's how celebrity culture emerges, and that's a big problem right now. People from all age brackets are making ungodly decisions because they first saw that mindset modeled by a celebrity.
The other day, I took my youngest daughter out for a slice of pizza. Right as we pulled up to the pizza place, I got a message letting me know that a well-known "celebrity" had just offered to make two appearances on my podcast. Thankfully, this person shares godly counsel, but my daughter asked me, "Are you going to be nervous about interviewing her?" I replied, "No, I don't think so. I used to get a little nervous when I did these interviews, but in recent months I've come to realize that there's no such thing as a celebrity. People are just people. Some share helpful things, and others just want attention."
How are we carrying ourselves? Are we trying to be celebrities, or do we demonstrate a servant's heart like Jesus? Are we idolizing celebrities, or is Christ the one we trust?
II. Understand who you really answer to
Why do you pass judgment on your brother? Or you, why do you despise your brother? For we will all stand before the judgment seat of God; for it is written,“As I live, says the Lord, every knee shall bow to me,
and every tongue shall confess to God.”So then each of us will give an account of himself to God. (Romans 14:10-12)
Have you ever attempted to write something, but struggled with "writer's block?" I'm starting to realize there's a good way to overcome writer's block, and for me, the best way to overcome it is a deadline. When I'm accountable to someone, and I'm given a deadline to turn something in, my brain starts to get in gear the closer I get to that date.
It's healthy to live with a sense of accountability. Those who attempt to live their lives without it are setting themselves up for terrible failure and unnecessary regret. Families can help keep each other accountable. Spouses can do so as well. Employers, church leaders, and our brothers and sisters in Christ can all aid in the process, but there is no greater form of accountability than the realization that we're all going to stand before the Lord someday.
Scripture teaches us that the day is coming when we will appear before the judgment seat of God. Every knee will bow and confess that Jesus is Lord, and all of us will give an account of our lives to Him. There's nothing that we'll be able to hold back. It will all be laid bare.
I think that's helpful to understand if we're presently struggling with the "fear of man." If that fear is holding you back from doing what God is calling you to do, it's time to give that fear over to Him and recognize that the Lord is the one we ultimately answer to.
III. Desire integrity more than you desire praise
"For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ." (Galatians 1:10)
We can learn a lot from the people who have come before us. The Lord has graciously raised up a whole host of people who have demonstrated what it looks like to live out our faith in this world. He also uses them to demonstrate what it looks like confront others with the truth.
In the early verses of Galatians, Paul confronted the church for drifting from the truth and centrality of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Instead of emphasizing the grace of God that is shown to us in Jesus Christ, some of the leaders in that church were starting to teach people that salvation could be obtained by strict observance to the regulations of the Old Testament law. Even though the gospel teaches us that salvation is by grace, through faith in Jesus, they were attempting to please those who believed differently by watering down that central truth.
This news reached Paul's ears, so he didn't mince words when he confronted it. He also made a point to express the fact that he valued his service to Christ more than he valued pleasing people. He knew his words were going to irritate the Galatians, but he said them anyway because they were true. Paul desired integrity more than he valued praise. That's a principle we need to understand as well if we're going to resist being governed by the fear of man.
IV. Remind yourself that earthly trouble cannot compete with eternal blessings
"So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen." (2 Cor. 4:16-18a)
Have you ever received an injury that felt like it took an excessively long time to heal, or contracted an illness that seemed to stretch on forever? Isn't that one of the worst feelings? Some of us have experienced conflict or distance from loved ones that seemed to stretch on for a very long time. When we experience physical, emotional, or relational pain that holds on for a while, it can feel rather easy to lose heart. But the Lord reminds us that we don't need to. There's a better option.
As men and women who have experienced the gift of salvation through faith in Jesus Christ, we can be confident that all of our earthly struggles will result in a positive outcome eventually. One of the things they're doing is giving us the opportunity to contrast our earthly lives with the glorious future the Lord holds in store for us. If we will allow our hearts to contemplate the blessings of an eternity with Jesus, our present troubles will begin to feel light and momentary to us. We don't need to keep our eyes focused on the things that are seen. We can keep our hearts aimed toward the abundant, eternal life Christ has secured for us.
I think that perspective is helpful to keep in mind when we're wrestling with the fear of man. At times, there may be difficult consequences that we'll experience when we refuse to submit ourselves to the snares of earthly and ungodly mandates, but God's word reminds us that our earthly troubles cannot compete with eternal blessings.
All that to say, how prepared are you to make a stand in the midst of a fallen world for your faith in Jesus Christ? Does the fear of man keep you from expressing your faith openly? Has the Lord called you to take your life in a healthy and new direction, but the only thing holding you back is the fear of what others might think?
Most people spend the majority of their years living under the fear of man and failing to take action on God's calling for their lives. Don't make that mistake. Submit your heart to Jesus and don't be paralyzed by the values and opinions of this world.
© John Stange, 2021
