Years ago, I had a friend who seemed to be on a dangerous path. I started to notice that he was becoming far too comfortable interacting with women in a way that, in my opinion, was crossing an ethical line. His behavior started to catch the attention of several other friends as well, so instead of talking about him, I decided to talk to him. I knew it would be an awkward conversation, but I was fearful that he was going to do something that harmed his marriage and damaged his testimony. He thanked me for speaking truth into his life, assured me that he would be more careful, but eventually cheated on his wife anyway. It was hard to watch that unfold, knowing that I had done the best I could to help him.
In a similarly tragic vein, I just learned something tragic about a prominent Christian leader who projected faithfulness to his wife and fidelity to the Scriptures during the entirety of his adult life. While he was conveying an image of holiness and faithfulness, he was leading a double life of sexual infidelity.
Why bring this up? Well, for many (if not most) people, this is one of the primary areas of temptation whereby the devil tries to gain a foothold in our lives. Just look at our entertainment options or listen to the conversations of your peers. You don't have to look far to see the effects of our willingness to give our hearts over to sexual immorality.
And while it's certainly a risk to marry or trust another person, and while it's entirely possible that they may go in a direction that breaks your heart, please keep in mind that you can't control what another person does. What you can do is open your heart to the power and presence of the Holy Spirit and invite Him to lead you toward the truth of the gospel and away from temptation. He gives us His strength and His counsel to enable us to avoid unfaithfulness.
With that in mind, let's look at the counsel we're given in Proverbs 5 that demonstrates how the Spirit is enabling us to affair proof our hearts.
I. Don't let yourself be enticed by smooth words (speak the gospel to your spouse)
"My son, be attentive to my wisdom; incline your ear to my understanding, that you may keep discretion, and your lips may guard knowledge. For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil, but in the end she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword. Her feet go down to death; her steps follow the path to Sheol; she does not ponder the path of life; her ways wander, and she does not know it." (Proverbs 5:1-6)
Solomon doesn't mince words as he attempts to paint a picture in this passage. The image we're given here is of a woman who tries to tempt a man, but keep in mind this same principal works the other way too. Men tempt women. Women tempt men. Neither scenario is good. The concept being conveyed is a person who tries to drag another person down into the depths of sin, instead of building them up and pointing them toward Christ.
There are three primary sources of temptation, and it's wise to be aware of each. We can be tempted by other people, by the devil, and by ourselves. Ironically, we more often tend to blame the devil or other people for tempting us than we blame ourselves even though we tend to be the biggest source of our own temptation.
In this passage, Solomon demonstrates how the smooth words of someone else, combined with our willingness to participate in wickedness, can lead us to the path of death. The path of death is the path of ignorance and rebellion without thought of the consequences of our choices. We were all on that path before coming to faith in Christ and being placed on His path of life. And if we've received new life in Christ, it doesn't make sense for us to return to the path He rescued us from, so don't go back to it.
Rather, instead of being enticed by the smooth words of your tempter, use your words in a proactive way. If the Lord has blessed you with a spouse, speak the gospel to him or her. Give your spouse daily reminders of the grace of Christ, and the faithfulness of Christ, through the verbal reminders you pepper them with throughout the day.
II. Keep yourself away from tempting situations (spend time with your spouse)
“And now, O sons, listen to me, and do not depart from the words of my mouth. Keep your way far from her, and do not go near the door of her house," (Proverbs 5:7-8)
Those who know me best know that food tends to be my biggest vice. I remember when our family first moved to Langhorne, PA, I was very pleased with the abundance of my favorite chain restaurants that are all just a 5 minute drive from my house or my office. It didn't take long before I found myself eating lunch at one of my favorites almost every day. When I finally started adding up the calories I was eating, I realized that in one meal, I was consuming more than I should eat in an entire day.
For that pattern to be interrupted, I needed to stop visiting those restaurants. It wasn't enough for me to promise myself that I'd make better food choices. I had to take a break from eating there, otherwise I'd be tempted to go right back to my unhealthy habits. I still struggle with this because I'm an emotional eater. I have the bad habit of medicating my stress with food.
With that in mind, why do you suppose the father in this passage encourages the son to stay far away from the temptress? Why is he told not to even go near the door of her house? He's being given this advice because proximity equals opportunity. If you put yourself near what tempts you, you're more likely to give in to it in a moment of weakness. If you keep your distance, you're giving yourself less opportunity to fall.
When it comes to marriage, we can flip this concept on its head and do something proactive. While keeping ourselves away from tempting situations, we can begin carving out time with our spouse. For some people, that's the primary way they know they're loved. If you carve out time for your spouse, you're demonstrating that you'd rather be with them than spend your time lurking where you're likely to be brought down.
III. You aren't an exception to the downside of unfaithfulness (so treat your spouse exceptionally)
lest you give your honor to others and your years to the merciless, lest strangers take their fill of your strength, and your labors go to the house of a foreigner, and at the end of your life you groan, when your flesh and body are consumed, and you say, “How I hated discipline, and my heart despised reproof! I did not listen to the voice of my teachers or incline my ear to my instructors. I am at the brink of utter ruin in the assembled congregation.” (Proverbs 5:9-14)
Solomon continues to demonstrate the importance of marital fidelity in this passage by revealing the part of an affair that most participants do their best to ignore. Everyone seems to think they will be the one exception to the downside of unfaithfulness, but guess what, there are no exceptions.
Solomon very clearly tells us that the unfaithful person can expect loss of honor, oppression, to be taken advantage of, unexpected costs that derail their financial health, physical problems, and deep regret. I don't know how that sounds to you, but that certainly gets my attention. And there are no exceptions to this rule. Everyone who persists in unfaithfulness eventually pays this price.
That's why I'm so grateful that our Lord is compassionate toward us. Through Jesus, we're given the opportunity to repent of our unfaithfulness, get back on the path of life, and be cleansed of our iniquities.
"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9)
Instead of convincing ourselves that somehow we're the exception to the downside of unfaithfulness, let's treat our spouses exceptionally. Let's make a point to demonstrate the sacrificial love and fidelity of Christ within our households.
IV. Be satisfied with the blessing God has selected for you (and be a blessing to the one God chose for you)
"Drink water from your own cistern, flowing water from your own well. Should your springs be scattered abroad, streams of water in the streets? Let them be for yourself alone, and not for strangers with you. Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love. Why should you be intoxicated, my son, with a forbidden woman and embrace the bosom of an adulteress?" (Proverbs 5:15-20)
Remember when restaurants didn't give you free refills on your beverages? When I was in high school, our tennis team visited a restaurant after a match that was a distance away. I was very thirsty and ordered a large iced tea with my meal. During the meal, I made the mistake of getting up from the table and one of the guys sitting across from me took most of my drink and poured it into his cup. When I came back to the table and discovered it, I was furious.
Solomon tells us that when it comes to married life, don't try to steal someone else's drink. Drink water from your own cistern. Enjoy the blessings and benefits of marital intimacy without attempting to satisfy that desire outside of marriage. Be satisfied with the blessing God has given you. Be a blessing to the one God blessed you with. Don't covet someone else's blessing. And don't forget that your marriage is meant to demonstrate the love of Christ for His bride, the church. Guard, protect, and provide for your marriage the way Christ is caring for His.
V. God is watching (so keep a close eye on your life and motives)
"For a man's ways are before the eyes of the Lord, and he ponders all his paths. The iniquities of the wicked ensnare him, and he is held fast in the cords of his sin. He dies for lack of discipline, and because of his great folly he is led astray." (Proverbs 5:21-23)
Lastly, Solomon makes a point to remind us of something healthy that we far too often forget. He brings our attention to the fact that the eyes of God are always upon us. God is watching. There is nothing about our lives or our motives that can be hidden from Him. He knows it all.
If we squelch our conscience and try to live as if God cannot see us and will not hold us accountable, we will find ourselves dreadfully ensnared in the cords of sin. We'll be led astray toward folly and come to a tragic demise.
I don't know how this chapter of Proverbs strikes your ears, but I hope you can hear God's protective care in these words. He isn't revealing the downside of unfaithfulness to us to beat us up if we're already feeling guilty about something. He's revealing the truth to us so we won't take our lives in an ungodly and unwise direction. He's giving us words of prevention while also reminding us that He's the cure for this problem.
Christ is the solution for our wandering hearts. Through Him, we can affair proof our life. By finding our satisfaction in Christ, we don't need to attempt to satisfy the cravings of our old nature.
"But whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” (John 4:14)
“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied." (Matthew 5:6)
© John Stange, 2020
