One of the things that has become very clear to me over the course of my life is that the quality of my life is directly impacted by those I choose to surround myself with. There are people in my life that have sharpened me in very helpful ways, but there are others who seem to have a dulling effect on my life. The more I surround myself with them, the duller I feel. There are people in my life that have also had a distinctly depressive effect on me at times when I let them.
At this season of my life, one of my goals is to continue to surround myself with people who sharpen me spiritually, emotionally, and relationally. I want to make intentional investments in each of these areas, but I want the investment to be mutual. As others sharpen me, I want to reciprocate that blessing by helping to sharpen them.
Proverbs 27 is a helpful chapter of Scripture for many reasons including the fact that it demonstrates at least four ways we can stay sharp while simultaneously sharpening others.
I. Boast about God's sovereignty and providence
Do not boast about tomorrow,
for you do not know what a day may bring.
Let another praise you, and not your own mouth;
a stranger, and not your own lips. (Proverbs 27:1-2)
The older I get, the less likely I am to take the liberty to make definitive predictions about the future. I certainly would never have predicted what has taken place in the past year. It didn't look anything like I expected it to. And looking forward, I have no idea what the next year is going to look like either. Even the things I consider mundane or inconsequential may look much different, or maybe they won't happen at all, so why boast about what I can't predict?
Solomon teaches us not to be the kind of people who are boastful. We shouldn't boast about tomorrow because we don't know what tomorrow may bring. We shouldn't boast about ourselves either because that demonstrates unhealthy pride and conceit that doesn't reflect the heart of Christ.
But if we're going to boast about something, let's boast about something that matters. I'm choosing not to boast about tomorrow because I have no control over tomorrow. But since I know the One who is sovereign over all tomorrows, I'm going to boast about Him. I'm going to tell others that our Lord has His hand on human history and He's providentially working all things together for the good of those who know and love Him. He's steering human history toward the day when we will all bow our knees and confess with our mouths that Jesus Christ is Lord.
II. Welcome the feedback of those who love you on your worst days
Better is open rebuke
than hidden love.
Faithful are the wounds of a friend;
profuse are the kisses of an enemy. (Proverbs 27:5-6)
Growing up, one of my favorite hobbies was to write. Sometimes I'd write articles or book-worthy content, but most of the time I would write song lyrics. And even though I enjoyed sharing that content with others, I grew a little hesitant to do so because I wasn't always comfortable with the feedback I received.
Feedback or critique is something we all need, but I don't think it's automatically easy to hear. It can be especially difficult to listen to when you're regularly on the receiving end of unhelpful criticism. That's why it's valuable to evaluate the feedback you're receiving while paying close attention to the sources. It's a far different subject to receive critique from those who love you on your worst days than it is to receive unfair criticism from those who despise you on your best days.
Solomon teaches us that the verbal wounds of a friend can be trusted, even though they may initially sting. Their words are meant to sharpen us and build us up in our walk with Christ. The input we receive from other believers is a gift that the Holy Spirit uses to help us grow in sanctification. Stay open to how He's using the words of those who love you to help you grow.
Not long ago, a good friend made a terrible decision that became known to a few of us who are close to him. When he was approached about it, he didn't receive the news well. In fact, his response was to say, "You're not allowed to talk to me about things like that." Ironically, it was the thing he most needed someone to talk to him about, but he resisted outside counsel.
How often does our relationship with the Lord take on the same exact flavor as that conversation? How many times in your life has the Lord attempted to speak to you about something and you told Him, "You're not allowed to talk to me about things like that."
III. Model the loyalty of Jesus
Do not forsake your friend and your father's friend,
and do not go to your brother's house in the day of your calamity.
Better is a neighbor who is near
than a brother who is far away. (Proverbs 27:10)
It's no accident that you know the people you know. The relationships the Lord has blessed you with are intentional. And when your seasons of trial and testing come, you'll feel far less anxious if you reach out to those you trust and allow them to help you shoulder the burden. That's something the Lord has been making clear to me during this season of life.
It also becomes clear, over time, that there are certain people who will only be part of your life for a short season. I've heard it said that we have life-long friends, but we also have 5-minute friends. Based on what Solomon teaches in this passage, I think it would be wise for us to try not to be in the 5-minute friend category.
Solomon teaches us not to forsake our friends or the friends of our family. In this passage, he expresses the value of loyalty and faithfulness. These are traits that are best modeled by our Lord, and should also be visibly practiced in our lives as we follow Him.
I'm grateful for the loyalty of Jesus Christ in my life. I'm grateful that He's not only my Lord, but also my friend. And even though the majority of relationships I have experienced in this world have been somewhat conditional in nature, His friendship isn't like that at all. He sees me at my best and at my worst, and isn't ashamed to call me His brother and His friend.
"For he who sanctifies and those who are sanctified all have one source. That is why he is not ashamed to call them brothers," (Hebrews 2:11)
Who are you blessing with the gift of Christ-centered loyalty? Who is convinced that you'll still call them your brother or your sister, even on their worst days?
As Jesus gave me the gift of His loyalty, I had the privilege to share that gift with a friend earlier this week. In a few months, I have a book coming out and the publisher asked me to reach out to other authors to endorse it. One of the endorsers, who is also a friend, came back to me after submitting her endorsement and admitted that she was worried her endorsement might reflect poorly on me because she's only been a Christian for a few years. She felt genuinely concerned that the life she led before coming to know Christ might hurt my reputation in some way, and through the grace of Jesus I was able to say, "I literally don't care about any of that. Jesus isn't ashamed to be my friend or your friend. And I will never be ashamed to be your friend either."
IV. Make generous investments in the lives of others
Iron sharpens iron,
and one man sharpens another.
Whoever tends a fig tree will eat its fruit,
and he who guards his master will be honored. (Proverbs 27:17-18)
Just yesterday, my wife sewed a pair of pants for me. In her hand was one of the standard pin cushions that looks like a tomato with a strawberry hanging off of it. I asked her what the point of the strawberry-shaped cushion was and she said, "That cushion sharpens and cleans your pins. If they're dull or dirty, you poke them into the strawberry a few times to make them useful again."
All kinds of tools need to be sharpened after regular use. Sometimes you use a stone to accomplish that task. In the case of iron, it can be sharpened by using another piece of iron. People operate the same way. We have the opportunity to sharpen one another. We have the privilege of making generous investments in one another's lives.
You are the person you are, and I am the person I am largely due to the generosity of someone else. It starts with the fact that Jesus generously gave Himself for me. It continues with the fact that the Holy Spirit lives within me and He is transforming the way I think and live. It continues even further with the fact that other followers of Christ who have the Holy Spirit living within them have taken an interest in my life and continue helping to refine me.
Wrapping up...
Abraham Lincoln once said, "Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe."
The time we invest becoming spiritually, emotionally, and relationally sharp has great value, not only for ourselves, but for the people the Lord gives us the privilege to help sharpen as well.
© John Stange, 2021
