Do you ever think about where you spend most of your time? For the majority of us, our time is spent in two places, in our home and at our place of employment. I have frequently looked at the walls of my office and thought, "A large percentage of your life is being spent in this place. Keep it looking nice."
When I'm not working, I have made it a goal to be physically present with my family. I enjoy being at home with them. I enjoy spending time with them. There are regular segments of my calendar that are blocked off for them, and I do my best to protect those times from interruption or interference.
During my years of serving as a pastor, I have received many words of encouragement and occasional criticism. Much of the criticism is deserved, but some of it is laughable to me. In fact, several years ago, one of the other leaders in our church told me about a criticism they heard a man levy against me. I was told that he said, "John cares more about his family than he cares about the church." I think this statement was meant to cut me down, but when it was repeated to me, it made me very happy. It's actually the kind of statement that I hope my own children will be able to say someday when they look back at their growing up experience.
““He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God’s church?””
There's a delicate balance between serving your family and meeting their needs, while also serving well in your place of employment. Paul addresses that balance in Ephesians 6, and he explains to us the fact that both spheres provide ample opportunity for believers to glorify God and demonstrate the heart of Christ.
I. Obey your parents
“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” ”
Years ago, before the advent of the internet, I had several good friends that I used to correspond with via written letter. I took time to write to them because those relationships were important to me, and I loved getting letters from them in return. Typically, I would save their letters and re-read them on occasion. Some of those friends have told me that they still have copies of the letters I sent to them in our youth.
When Paul wrote letters to the churches during the first century, those letters were considered a big deal. It wasn't necessarily easy to transport letters during that season of history. Written communication was considered precious, and when those letters were received, they would be read in the hearing of all the members of the church. This would include the adults and the children.
In the previous section of this letter, Paul addressed the concept of marriage. He demonstrated the fact that it is the foundational institution for the family (and society), and he also explained the fact that marriage is meant to serve as an illustration of the loving relationship that exists between Christ and the church, which is His bride.
In a very logical flow of thought, Paul now addresses the relationship that exists between parents and children. He wanted parents to understand how to function in their roles, and he wanted children to understand the life-long importance of listening to the godly counsel of their mothers and fathers.
Be grateful that you live when you live, because if you were a child growing up in the Roman Empire of Paul's day, you would have had a much different experience. In that culture, children were basically treated like property. They could be legally accepted or rejected from birth. It wasn't uncommon for people to abandon their infant children on hills or in wooded places if they might be considered an unwanted burden on the family. It was actually the followers of Christ who began rescuing those abandoned children and teaching the world the importance of elevating the value of children, just as Jesus demonstrated and taught during the course of His earthly ministry.
In these verses, children were told to obey and honor their parents. They were to listen to their parents' counsel, show them love and respect, care for them when if they needed help, and honor them in the way they lived.
Why are children told to do this? Well, first of all, it's just the right thing to do. But we're also told that it will go much better for children who take honoring and obeying their parents seriously. It may even result in them enjoying a longer life in which things tend to excel, just like the fifth commandment promises.
Children are often encouraged to do the exact opposite of this today, and sadly, many parents accept it. But embracing a pattern of disobedience and dishonor toward our parents won't lead to the "good life" many of us claim to want.
II. Bring up your children
““Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.””
What do you think history will say about fathers in our generation? Will they be thought of in good terms or will they be thought of in a less than flattering light? I recently saw a news article that described men in our generation as doing everything they could to prolong their childhood instead of embracing manhood in the biblical sense.
My heart's desire is to be a godly man who demonstrates the heart of Christ, especially when I'm being put to the test. I want my wife and children to experience that, and I want those who experience my leadership in other spheres to experience that as well. As a father, it has also been my desire to model that in my interactions with my daughters and sons. I have worked hard to try to show my daughters what it looks like to be honored and loved. I have also worked hard to model and explain to my sons what it looks like to be a man who walks with integrity, isn't afraid of hard work, and cares for his family.
In this passage, the Holy Spirit inspired Paul to counsel fathers to avoid something and to embrace something. They're called to avoid needlessly provoking their children to anger. I think this also involves giving your children hope instead of continually cutting them down. Be patient with them while they're learning, and don't snap at them just because it feels easy to do so.
On the contrary, fathers are called to embrace bringing their children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. They're called to teach their children the truths that are found in Scripture, then back that up by showing their children how to actually live those things out.
Here's what I have learned over the decades of attempting to do this. You will need the Lord's help to do it well. You won't do it perfectly, but love covers a multitude of mistakes. Your children will get some things right and some things wrong, but you should continue loving them unconditionally anyway. And when you're baffled on how best to help your kids, never forget the power of prayer. Pray for God's intervention and protection in their lives. You'll be amazed at some of the answers you get to see from Him during the course of your lifetime.
III. Serve wholeheartedly
““Bondservants, obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling, with a sincere heart, as you would Christ, not by the way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but as bondservants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart, rendering service with a good will as to the Lord and not to man, knowing that whatever good anyone does, this he will receive back from the Lord, whether he is a bondservant or is free. ””
The first job I ever had was working at my father's grocery store. My great-grandfather started Stange's Market in Scranton, Pennsylvania, and that business was passed down to my grandfather, father, and uncle. As a young child, right up to my early years of college, I worked in that store, and I learned a lot about leadership, developing a good work-ethic, customer service, and decision making. I learned what it meant to work hard, and I also learned plenty about the consequences that were experienced by those who didn't do their best.
When Paul instructed bondservants to serve wholeheartedly, he recognized that our vocations provide one of the greatest opportunities for us to display our Christian testimony. Much of our life is spent in our line of work, and it's often in that realm where people will have the greatest opportunity to witness you living out what you claim to believe.
I have worked for good employers and bad employers during the course of my life. I'm sure that was the experience of the original readers of Paul's letter as well. If they were bondservants, they actually lived as slaves in Roman culture.
In Roman times, the term bondservant or slave could refer to someone who voluntarily served others. But it usually referred to one who was held in a permanent position of servitude. Under Roman law, a bondservant was considered the owner’s personal property. Slaves essentially had no rights and could even be killed with impunity by their owners.
During the time of Jesus and the first-century church, as much as one third of the Roman population were slaves, and another third had been slaves earlier in life. It was common for freeborn men and women to work side-by-side with slaves as street sweepers, dockworkers, doctors, teachers, and business managers. Convicted criminals became bondservants of the state and usually died working in the mines or on galleys. -gotQuestions.org
Paul's words in this passage should not be interpreted as condoning slavery. That wasn't the point of what he shared. (In fact, if you want to read a letter Paul wrote to a slave owner that encouraged him to treat a slave like a brother and grant him freedom, read the book of Philemon.) What Paul was encouraging, however, was the importance of living out our faith in Christ, and demonstrating the fruit of the Spirit, especially when we're serving under adverse conditions.
I look at this passage and take encouragement from the admonition to do the best I can, for Christ's glory, in any circumstance I find myself in, and to serve others with the gifts God has given me. I believe that the example of the work God is doing in our lives will have a healthy impact on the hearts of those who observe us while we do our work.
IV. Lead graciously
““Masters, do the same to them, and stop your threatening, knowing that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and that there is no partiality with him.””
In my experience, there are two sure-fire ways to figure out what kind of character someone else possesses. You can give them money or you can give them power, then step back and watch what they do with it.
Paul encouraged masters and those with power over others to work in the same manner he had just encouraged bondservants to work. He also commanded them to stop threatening other people because in the end, earthly leaders and earthly employees all have the same Master. There is going to come a day when we're all going to give an account for our life to the Lord, and He isn't going to show partiality toward us just because we held a title during our brief sojourn on this planet. If God entrusts authority to you at some point during the course of your life, lead graciously.
Wrapping it up: There are two primary places where you and I are going to have the opportunity to demonstrate our faith in Christ over the course of a long and observable period. Our faith will be demonstrated to our family at home, and our colleagues at work. Let the light of your faith in Christ shine brightly in both places. When someone writes your obituary someday, those are the places they're going to be pulling the stories from.
© John Stange, 2021
