Delay your need for affirmation and gratification

I don't remember everything I thought about pastoral ministry before I actually became a pastor, but I can definitely say that some of my expectations were dead wrong, and that was made very clear to me the second I accepted the invitation to lead my first church.

During the years prior to that, I was serving as the youth director at a church near where I went to college while I finished my degrees. As often as possible, I accepted opportunities to be the guest speaker at other churches. I knew that the only way I was going to improve in sermon preparation and delivery was by getting as much practice as I could.

Most often when I visited places as a guest speaker, they would give me encouraging feedback. I honestly expected the same from my first church, but that's not what I got. In fact, for the first six months I served as their pastor, I didn't receive a single encouraging word. Not one. I was serving a church that went though a season of major conflict about two months before I arrived, and it took a while for them to heal. They just weren't in the mood to encourage me while their feelings were still tender.

That experience was very hard for me. I felt un-welcomed, unappreciated, and unloved. But when I look back at that season now, I'm extremely grateful for it. I needed to learn what it was like to remain faithful to a task regardless of how I felt. I also believe the Lord was doing me a favor. If not receiving verbal encouragement would have prevented me from preaching, then I didn't belong in the pulpit in the first place. The pulpit is for giving Christ praise, not trying to get praise for yourself. This experience was His way of helping me get that straight in my head.

I think many people struggle with the willingness to answer their calling and stick with what they've been called to do because they may be waiting for an immediate pat on the back or they expect to see the kind of results on day one that only really show up after years of faithful service.

What about you? Are you willing to delay your desire for affirmation or gratification in order to give your calling time to develop and your efforts the opportunity to mature?


I. Do your work for a person and a purpose, not for praise.

And he who had received the five talents came forward, bringing five talents more, saying, ‘Master, you delivered to me five talents; here, I have made five talents more.’
— Matthew 25:20

Jesus was a master storyteller. The parables He conveyed and the stories He told are immensely insightful and helpful. In Matthew 25, Jesus told a parable about a property owner who was going on a journey, but entrusted portions of money to various servants before he left. He gave five talents to one servant, two talents to another, and one talent to a third, according to their stewardship abilities. Two servants were faithful with their task and doubled the money entrusted to them, but one servant did nothing with it, and likewise had nothing productive to show when the property owner returned.

When I read that parable, I see examples of people who were motivated by different things. Two of the servants were motivated by faith and faithfulness, while the other servant seemed paralyzed by fear and doubt.

What motivates you? What keeps you pressing forward with the mission and calling you've been entrusted with?

I believe that as followers of Christ, we should be motivated by something deeper than the approval of our peers. Most people in this world spend their entire lives making decisions that aren't based on conviction, but on whether or not they'll receive praise for what they decide. Let's aim higher than that as we pursue Christ's calling on our lives.

The servants in Christ's parable demonstrate what it looks like to do their work for a person and a purpose, not for praise. There's something powerful we can learn from their example. The person we're called to glorify is Jesus. The purpose we're called to join Him in is the growth of His kingdom. But if our greatest motive is the praise of men, we'll quickly lose sight of the person and purpose we've been called to honor.

There's another great example of long-term thinking in Scripture that I also want to highlight because it demonstrates what it can look like to delay affirmation and gratification. It's the example of Jacob and Rachel that's shared with us in Genesis.


II. It's good to have something to look forward to.

Then Laban said to Jacob, “Because you are my kinsman, should you therefore serve me for nothing? Tell me, what shall your wages be?”  Now Laban had two daughters. The name of the older was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel.  Leah’s eyes were weak, but Rachel was beautiful in form and appearance.  Jacob loved Rachel. And he said, “I will serve you seven years for your younger daughter Rachel.”  Laban said, “It is better that I give her to you than that I should give her to any other man; stay with me.”
— Genesis 29:15-19

I'm convinced that my quality of life improves when I have something to look forward to. I think that's true in both the spiritual and physical realm. My overall sense of optimism is fed daily by the hope I have in Jesus, so I'm confident that all things in my life will work out for His glory and my good. I also like to add things to my daily calendar that provide a touchpoint along the way that can bring a smile to my face.

Sometimes those additions to my calendar are as simple as buying concert tickets and looking forward to a good show. Other times those additions include long-term financial goals like saving up for a car or paying off a mortgage. But one of the biggest, long-term events in my life that I spent a long while thinking about was the privilege to marry Andrea. We started dating during my freshman year of college and I didn't want to get married until we were finished with our education and I had the ability to support a family. That wait was a little over three years, but it was absolutely worth it.

In Genesis, we're told the story of the union of Jacob and Rachel. The Lord had a plan for their lives that was going to impact humanity as a whole in drastic ways, so it's fun to go back in time and see how their marriage began. In return for permission to marry Rachel, Jacob agreed to work for her father Laban for a full seven years. Would you have agreed to that kind of an arrangement?

Jacob was completely smitten with Rachel. Keep in mind that in time, Jacob's name was going to be changed by God to Israel, and through his marriage to Rachel, Joseph and Benjamin would be born. This was a foreordained relationship, and Jacob was willing to endure many years of labor because he was looking forward to taking Rachel as his wife.

According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, the average length of time a modern-day employee remains on a job is 4.6 years. In our day, people change jobs two or even three times in the time Jacob spent working for Laban, but Jacob didn't quit. He knew what he was looking forward to, and neither hard labor nor an ungrateful employer could rob him of his optimistic focus.

What are you looking forward to? Can you see the outcome by faith before you can see it by sight?


III. A sense of mission makes your labors seem lighter.

So Jacob served seven years for Rachel, and they seemed to him but a few days because of the love he had for her.
— Genesis 29:20

When my sense of mission is clear, the tasks I'm working on feel different. I find that I'm willing to put up with long hours doing very unglamorous things as long as I am motivated by the mission.

I remember when the Lord impressed upon my heart to lead a Christian camp and conference center in the Pocono mountains. I was willing to clear snow, clean rooms, unclog drains, repair broken things, dig holes, and deal with complaints because I knew without a shadow of a doubt that this was the mission God had given me for that season of my life. And in that process, I was constantly uplifted by seeing thousands of people come to know Jesus and grow in their walk with Him during the years I served with that ministry. Most of the time, the work was unceremoniously difficult and dirty, but the outcome made it worth it, and the years serving in that role passed by quickly.

Scripture tells us that Jacob served Laban for seven years, but they only seemed like a few days to him because of his great love for Rachel. Not only is that statement romantic and heart-warming, it's also a very clear picture of the nature of what it looks like to commit yourself to the mission the Lord entrusts to you. When you find yourself serving in the role you've been called and designed to serve in, don't be surprised when it feels like the days are flying by.


IV. The reward that awaits you outshines your vanities.

His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.’
— Matthew 25:21

Coming back to the initial parable that we started with, I love the statement that the property owner made to the faithful servant. The property owner praised the quality of his work as well as his faithfulness. He also made it clear that because he was faithful with little things, he would be entrusted with larger things as well, and would share in the joy of his master.

When I read a parable like this, I can't help but take an assessment of what the Lord has entrusted to me. He is allowing me to steward a family, a ministry, abilities, and resources. I need to make certain that I'm faithful with these things because there is a day when I'm going to give an account of my life to Him. He is going to settle accounts with me, and the fruit of what I have done with what He gave me is going to be evaluated.

For no one can lay any foundation other than the one we already have—Jesus Christ.

Anyone who builds on that foundation may use a variety of materials—gold, silver, jewels, wood, hay, or straw.  But on the judgment day, fire will reveal what kind of work each builder has done. The fire will show if a person’s work has any value.  If the work survives, that builder will receive a reward.  But if the work is burned up, the builder will suffer great loss. The builder will be saved, but like someone barely escaping through a wall of flames.
— 1 Corinthians 3:11-15, NLT

When that day comes, the affirmation and the gratification I have been delaying are going to be granted to me. The joys of the kingdom of God are going to be my eternal reality. I'm counting on the day when Jesus is going to look at me and let me hear Him say, "Well done!" But in the meantime, as the fruit of my genuine faith in Him, it's my mission to be faithful with any gift He allows my hand to touch or my arms to steward.

The saddest people to me are those who only live for immediate affirmation and gratification. There's so much they're missing because their vantage point is too low and their outlook is too limited. But through Jesus, we're granted an eternal perspective. We can see future things as if they're here with us today. So with the kind of future the Lord has promised us in mind, let's set our hearts toward enduring and completing the mission He's granted us in the present.

© John Stange, 2021

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